Countdown to 30: 30 days, 30 Lessons (Day 6 - Rest When You Need It)

Living in New York City, there is a constant need to do more, be more, see more. And while being driven is not geographically limited, I will say the sheer number of opportunities available here is staggering. One always feels like they're missing out on the coolest thing that ever happened, so one is constantly trying to do everything.

No matter the specifics of an opportunity, if you can't give it the attention it deserves, it is not the right opportunity. 

If you're not resting, you can't feasibly be available to the right opportunities. Rest isn't just sleep, it's giving your mind the chance to regain clarity and focus. It's almost impossible to plan and execute at the same time: resting allows you to assess where you are and pivot intelligently before you get swept up in a current of activity.

When you approach a task rested and refreshed, the task becomes less daunting and more beneficial.

Recently, I took a break from the day-to-day operations of my company, Colloquy Collective. As a tiny, emerging organization, it is easy to get overwhelmed by the sheer number of necessary tasks (not to discount the awesome efforts of my Board of Directors, Advisory Board, and interns). I had to take a step back and reassess how effective I was being as the leader of this company. I know there were opportunities missed, however, the opportunity to rest was as beneficial for the organization as it was for myself.

Organizations should occasionally take breaks too. The constant pressure to produce can lead to mission drift, stagnancy, and mistakes.

Take the time to rest - it is an investment in the work you're about to do.

25 more days.

Courtney

Countdown to 30: 30 days, 30 Lessons (Day 5 - Sometimes It's Not That Deep)

Sometimes, it's just not that deep.

Enjoy your Saturday. ;)

Courtney

Countdown to 30: 30 days, 30 Lessons (Day 4 - Loving Yourself Is A Revolutionary Act)

In a culture that simultaneously rewards (see: Steve Jobs) and punishes (see: Kanye West) narcissism, it's difficult to understand what side of the self-esteem fence you're supposed to sit. This might be the rantings of just another self-centered millennial, but my conclusion is this:

Loving yourself is a revolutionary act.

There are thousands of messages out in the world that tell us we are the wrong height/shape/size/color/intellect to be loved. Capitalism and consumerism are built on us feeling flawed and spending money to fix those flaws. Pop culture is ripe with ways we should consider ourselves unworthy, unlovable, unattractive. Every day it gets harder to remember that we are complete all on our own.

Loving yourself is a revolutionary act.

Loving yourself is not entitlement, nor pride, nor braggadocio. It is not ignoring your flaws, or loving some falsely constructed version of who you wish to be. It is accurately accounting for every part of you--flaws, boons, warts and all--and saying "I love myself at this moment as I am."

Not "I will love myself when I lose X pounds."

Not "I will love myself when I get my degree(s)."

Not "I will love myself when I find someone else to love me."

Not "I will love myself when I get my stuff together."

But "I love myself in my entirety at this moment and forever after. And even if the world tells me different, I know that I have value. I will reject any message that tells me I'm not enough. I will always work to improve myself, not because I am broken, but because I commit to care for the things I love, especially myself."

When you truly love yourself, your capacity to love others increases infinitely.

The revolution begins when nothing diminishes how you feel about you: you become invincible. You hear more accurately the difference between legitimate criticism and hate; between flattery and love; between authenticity and game. You take care of your needs and are able to be more generous with your spirit.

Loving yourself is a revolutionary act. How will you love yourself today?

27 days.

Courtney

Countdown to 30: 30 days, 30 Lessons (Day 3 - The Worst Thing That Can Happen to You Is Rarely That)

In the last 2+ years I have been fired, ended a long-term relationship, failed a class, and tragically lost two mentors and more than a few relatives. Each moment was devastating in its own right, and some hits were harder to take than others.

The worst thing that can happen to us is letting the most tragic thing that ever happened to us be the last thing that ever happened to us. 

The things we fear every day aren't the worst things that can happen to us. The scariest truth is that the universe is surprisingly adept at creating new tragedies. However, that is only outmatched by our collective ability to overcome. The instinct to survive and persist is biological - we are literally built to keep going. I'm not one to justify tragedies by implying they all happen for a reason: many things are just awful and random. 

However, every moment you exist after those tragedies is a triumph worth celebrating.

So whatever you are fighting right now, you are winning. The worst thing that can happen to you already happened and you survived. Just take the next breath, keep going, and keep winning.

Twenty-eight days left. 

Courtney

 

Countdown to 30: 30 days, 30 Lessons (Day 2 - Ask the Hard Questions)

Twenty-nine days left until thirty and today's lesson is Ask the Hard Questions.

The hard questions aren't always obvious.

"Do I want to be with this person?" "Do I want to continue to work this job?" "Am I happy?" Those seem like hard questions, but they are actually just questions with sometimes difficult answers. If the answer doesn't inspire another question, your first question wasn't hard enough. And when we focus on answers we can easily make up ("Of course, I want to be with him/her." "I need this job, so sure I'll stay."; "I'm always happy.") we let ourselves off the hook. At the very least, we ask those questions with a general idea of the answer.

The hard question is the one you don't want to ask, not because you fear the answer, but because you genuinely don't know the answer.

"Is this relationship giving me what I need?" "Does this job value me in the same way I value it?" "Do I love myself enough to allow for happiness?" These questions require work that can't only be done internally. The hardest question I've asked myself in recent memory was "Do I need a committed romantic relationship to feel like my life is complete?" I am working through the answer, but realize this is the first time in my adult life I've allowed myself to ask it. 

What's a hard question you'd like to ask of yourself or soemone else?

Courtney

Countdown to 30: 30 days, 30 Lessons (Day 1 - Speak Up)

Today marks a milestone in the #CountdownToThirty: 30 days left. And I've decided to share 30 lessons I've learned over the last 30 years in a lesson a day. Friends will be tagged and stories will be shared all in the hopes of arriving at 30 with clarity, laughter, and motivation.

So without further adieu, today's lesson is simply this: Speak up.

In August of 2012, I wrote an e-mail looking for a fight. I had some serious thoughts that I wanted addressed, and the people to whom I wrote stated they wanted the feedback. So I sent a rather harsh e-mail, and the recipient invited me to meet him. The subject was New Brooklyn Theater's desire to renovate the Slave Theater; the recipient was none other than Artistic Director Jonathan Solari.
 

I got the fight I was searching for, just with an ally instead of an adversary.

After we met, Jonathan and I become fast friends. Artistically and professionally we wanted the same things for Bed-Stuy with slightly different approaches; personally, he just turned out to be one of the coolest people on the planet. We have since collaborated on some amazing things and have been able to support each other in this Founding-Artistic-Director-struggle. Had I not spoken up, I would have missed a chance to get to know an amazing person and collaborator: my life and work would be worse for it.

And this other time I was on Twitter in my feelings.

Social media-ing while sitting in your feelings is rarely a good idea. However, one day I decided to do just that. And a friend offered me words of encouragement. I texted him a thank you, and we proceeded to have one of the most honest and fulfilling conversations I've ever had. It was unique in that we never talked like that previously. It was a random and honest moment of connection - a testament to his generosity as a person. I got through the day and got out of my feelings, but realized (again), had I not said something I would have missed it. I'm not even sure he knows what that (and subsequent) conversations meant to me.

Speaking up is not about burdening those around you. It is about trusting that your thoughts have enough value to create something amazing.

Telling someone how you feel (good or ill) is not just for unrequited love or bedside confessions. It's an opportunity to trust the people around you to be great; to be supportive; to be attentive. It's an opportunity to be vulnerable, which we should all take more frequently.

Speak up, truthfully and often.

Courtney

The Value of Stillness

Recently, I have been pondering the value of stillness in my personal life. What does it mean to be still? What do we learn in those moments of inactivity? Why can it be just as difficult to not do as it is to do?

​What does stillness do for an organization?

We are conditioned for growth. To present more work, to serve more people, to be more visible. How many organizations have grown unwieldy and opaque over the years? Proof of unnecessary growth is apparent in many organization's concerns about "mission drift".

Your mission cannot drift if your movements are conscious. The only way to consciously move is to be still long enough to know where you are.

In moving both myself and Colloquy Collective forward, I am embarking on a bit of stillness. I realize that this moment is important and rare: we have no status quo to maintain, so every option is available. I endeavor to not just grow for growth's sake. 

For now we will be still like a lion in the grass, aware of both its power and the opportunity it has been given.

Do you use stillness in your professional life? How does it serve you?

Courtney